When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
