I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
