She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
