you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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