After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
