I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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