omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
