what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
