we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
