My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
