How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize