people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
