i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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