WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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