im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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