Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
