apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
