how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize