i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have demons in me.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
