and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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