Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
