tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk is not a location!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
