You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
