So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
