I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
