i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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