Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
