I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
