she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
