Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
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I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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