Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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