he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pants are for mortals
I pour the whiskey from now on
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
