I checked into jail on foursquare
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
