Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
