I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
