$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
