That's when you crack a 10am beer
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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