I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
