This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I supernannyed him into submission
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
