just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize