I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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