I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
