i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
