my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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