TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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