Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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