apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
