Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
