ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
