there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
