i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
