i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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