Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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