worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You left your phone here
Wait...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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