Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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