My first STD was from a foam party
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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