i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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