I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
