i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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